In some opulentia not so much gaudium

January 17th, 2008 by ymendel 1 comment »

I can eat a lot at times. There’s this story about a huge catfish sandwich that Rick can relate better than I could. When I heard about Christopher Pizza’s “Double or Nuthin” challege, I thought I’d give it a try. We just had to find the right time to do it.

What could go wrong when attempting to eat a large pizza with double toppings in an hour?

This sign has all you need to know.

I’m going to skip to the end of this story first and then come back. Don’t get scared, though. There won’t be any Tarantino action here. I just want to get to the punchline before you get bored.

That’s right. I couldn’t take it. I’d say the worst part was having to pay $50 for a pizza like this, but at that point I was almost glad to think I could pay $50 to make the madness stop. I had to go back to Rick’s place and nap for about an hour before I felt okay.

So to get some storytelling in here, things started out well enough. They brought out a crazy pizza.

I started eating. It was mostly awkward, with toppings falling off all over the place. At one point, I likened it to moving a mattress by yourself. (Or as I was thinking at the time, flipping a mattress by yourself — something I get to do periodically with my big floppy futon bed mattress because I rarely think to ask Beth for help.) But it wasn’t so bad at first.

In fact, it wasn’t so bad for the first five or so slices, which was interesting. The waiter said I was the second person he’s ever seen try it, and the first guy was big. He was big and made it through maybe four slices. He wasn’t expecting a guy like me to even try. And apparently the first guy said something about it being undercooked (after making it about half-way). They learned from that and gave me a disclaimer that if something’s wrong, I should let them know right away.

But I was going through it just fine. For a while. Then I had to slow down, give myself some time to think.

And that turned into just waiting, hoping that my stomach could hold more, my mouth would want more, and my tongue could take more. I mean, all that sausage was really making me question every bite.

And in the end, I just couldn’t take any more. (As you already know by this point.)

Kevin wanted to see what the fuss was all about, so he stepped up to finish what I couldn’t. It was too late for me to attempt to redeem myself if I even wanted to by this point, since the timer had already gone off.

What I find interesting is all that leftover stuff (my half slice and the toppings strewn about) is about the size of a normal lunch for a normal person. That’s something to think about.

1 Response to “In some opulentia not so much gaudium”

  1. rickbradley Says:

    I just want to say, this guy made the mistake of eating breakfast before he went into this! Just imagine, with the proper training… I’m thinking, round 2 the pizza does not win!

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